Friday, October 31, 2008
I dun know y
But was flipping through my pics
I saw how a ugly me
Used to be defeated by self esteem
Slowly changed..
Haha. Always remember e times when im with my gf
Camera is always a part of us
Haha. There are so so so many more photos
i didnt upload of her and me
Its tonsssss! =D
But well, that shows our closeness together
Right Girl? =D haha!
Then i still remember my niece and my nephew
Niece: MA YI!!! (Ant)
Haha! A cute and talented little girl who loves me so much
And gave me this wonderful name=D
Although she grew older, but everytime with her
makes my day! =DDD I missed her =(
You know that camera that she took
Its using film and she took quite a few photos
And guess what.. It turned out to be really nice and artistic
At that time i guess she is only 3 yrs old!!
Gosh. Got my genes. haha! Good good
Stick with MaYi more okay?
Haha! Although i know you are not reading
But.. MaYi wants to tell you that I love you=D
How i wish i jus go her house now and play with her
But i scare.. Of my cousin though
Will sure be asking how is my studies and all
I dun wan her to hav a super high expectation of me
Seriously, im scared enough. Seeing her tearing last yr
becos of my results. I knew i shattered her heart.
I owe her so much so much so much
From young she gave me everything that i wanted
until now she still worries for me after her 2 child
Although she is no longer e person who gave me money,
but i know that she still loves and cares for me
Whats more that my mum died and gave her me
My mum said before she died, pls take care of YanSin for me
Y her? Y my cousin? Cos my mum loves her
My family is really complicated. Look at it now
We either lost our parents. Due to millions of reasons.
Or i dunno. I wonder if its cursed or not
My eldest cousins.. their dad passed on
My second one.. Their parents are still intact
but my uncle is having some cancer..
My third cousin, his dad passed on.
My forth cousin, they are in hong kong
Fifth is me and bros. Independent kids
Sixth.. Divorce and remarried
and last two old cousins
Mum abandoned, dad passed on
Hey! Whatever man!
And mostly all died with cancer!
DAMN CANCER! Get away from my family!
These are all my mums side
I had so lost in touched with my dad side
Ever since they put my dad's mum to Old Folks Home
There he goes.. Leaving us. Even thousand tries of
contacting him. He had no means of acknowledging us
Y did i hav such a dad! -.- I really dunno why
Haix. Whatever. hmm. im like stating my family
to e world. -.- But thats what im thinking
I always think what if he come back one day
Will i reacknowledge him again?
Well, to that answer i really dont know
He failed to give him what he suppose to give
My protection, my provider and all
haix!!! RAWR!
I still remember my getting started i think
They were telling us what a earthly dad should giv.
Hmm i shall stop EMOing=D
haha! Well, photos of you and me
This blog wants more photos!!
haha! And yes. More will come=D
Me.....
Afterr work. With my gf. =D
Me and Val =D
Ran hugging me to show me his love.
4yrs old. Playing e piano.=D
Day of a New name. New Me.
haha! I dun know how did it turn like that. But i love it.
Chinese new year.
So young yet so handsome.=D
CHARLENE.
TERRANCE.
Done by Pearly. =D
Graduation day/Performers!
Clasandra's Birthday=D
Random scenary tat i took..
Amanda's 17th birthday...
Secondary school good friends.=D
May,YuanLing,Amanda,Yansin
haha! My sweetie and me again!
The day you walked away..
Ghostly figures..
This photo nice rite?
E457 at Mid Autumn Festival!
Me and Andy=D
My crazy Kaki. =D
Rawr! =D I miss her. =D
Pics of Me and Jie. =D
QinYan, Pearly
Pearly,Michelle,KaiYun
QinYan,ShiMin,Elijah,Pearly
Pearly! =D
+..Yans..+
Pearly =D
PeekaBoo!
Model Pic? =D
What is Elijah thinking about..
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
1:19 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
My blog song.. In love with it badly.
All thanks to my girl.
haha! I love you girl. =D
Ronin- One More Moment
VERSE 1
Don't take too long to say
I love you to the ones you love
Cause time has a habit of slipping away
And out on a clear blue sky
When lightning strikes on a sunny day
Just take me in and keep me from the rain
PRE CHORUS
And the words that seem so hard so say
Come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while and hear me say
CHORUS
That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you
VERSE 2
Turn away to say goodbye
With each and every word that passes by
Like a distant memory
And time keeps slipping away
And time will turn to grey
And time will be the one who holds you down
PRE CHORUS
CHORUS
BRIDGE
Sometimes time will treat you bad
Before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong
SOLO
BRIDGE
OUTTRO
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
2:21 PM
I know i know i know..
I know that i lost my smiles.
This blog filled with all my unhappiness.
I was looking into my past blog.
How much smiles that i had on my face.
And look wats now. Nightmares.
Sad stories. Less photos.
Or rather. Not much smiling or even feel
like taking a photo.
Maybe i changed. Dun asked me why.
Stop pressurizing me asking me to change back.
I dont even know what was I e last time.
I guess im just overwhelmed by exams.
Im really very very very stressed out.
So if you think that i had changed.
Thinking tat you talking to me will change back.
Dun try. Cos i dunno how and ya. Its jus me.
Seriously. I dunno what hav i become?
I jus want to study. I jus wan to be e quiet girl.
I know i used to be noisy and all.
But im grew up. Im 17. There is alot of restrictions.
I got to be careful with my words and all.
Mostly i used to be super hyper.
But now i cant. Not anymore.
I got many responsibilities.
So just leave me alone..
if you think im not worthy as your friend.
Sometimes i dun understand why.
Why mus you keep calling me and ask me y am i like tat.
Im like.. What? Like what?
Where is e past you. Cheerful and dun think so much?
How can i not think so much when..
When my bro didnt giv me face in front of his friends
How can I not think when my bro does not feel proud of me
How can i not think when i had not much confidence in myself
Tell me!! How can i not think!!
How can i not think what my future brings
Who is going to take care of me??
Now might be my brothers
But what if they are married?
Will they dump me off?
I really dunno what e future will brings
I jus wan to do my job as a student well.
RAWR! Its so so so frustrating!!!
And to know that some ppl
wasted their life by doing stupid stuff
Some jus keep calling me at midnight
I know i know. U needed someone to chat
Okay. I will chat. But not when i hav exams
e next morning! Plus u chat with me is not like
important. Its jus some random like you eaten ur dinner?
AT 3.30am! And some will jus sms me in e morning
expecting me to reply your sms when i really dun wan to
When i already tell you that i dun wan to talk to you
Guess what he replied? I dun think you r Hope that is typing e msg
Still call me and asked if i receive your msg
Giving me that kind of stupid attitude. Where i told you im busy
Calling me when im having important meetings
And i got to cancel your call
You msg me saying that dun giv excuses
What the... GOD SAVE ME!!!
I was totally speechless. I jus wan to cry
These irritating ppl are jus getting on my nerves
CAN YOU FEEL MY FRUSTRATIONS?!?!?!?
Then whats now. Some ppl jus starting talking to me
And then he said i had changed
Im like.. Changed like wat?
Am i very close with you? Do i usually talk to you?
Then come telling me can you change back
LIKE WHAT!!!!
Then after that saying that
if u feel unhappy when contacting me then its ok
-.- you didnt tell me what i should do to change
You didnt tell me what was i last time
Or should i say i dun even know what was i like
Cos now is e new me
Even now being quiet is so hard
Being single is hard too
Some come and say
I really really love you
Y don you giv me a chance?
I really dun wan to get attached
After a messy whole lots of things.
Plus i really wan to settle down
Haix. I feel like running away from
all these guys whom i know
Seriously, making me vomit blood
I wish i jus be gone.
Hope♥
Labels: Frustrations
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
9:43 AM
Monday, October 27, 2008
It was a good good dream. =D
I wish I could jus keep dreaming.
Haha! Thank God.
NO MORE NIGHTMARES! =D
I dreamt that i got a IPHONE!
haha! Jus out of e sudden, someone jus blessed me.
WOOO! I cant wait for exams to end.
Cos i know alot alot alot of blessings!
My eldest bro getting bonus.
1. Giving money to buy clothes!!
YAY!! NEW CLOTHES!!
2. After O levels, Eldest combine with second
might be buying Guitar Hero!! Or maybe e world tour.
BUT ITS CONFIRM BUYING!! YAY!!
3. My Eldest and Second might be combining to buy
PERFUME FOR ME!!!! okay. i guess it cost a bomb.
Maybe only la.. MIGHT..
Im thinking.. Girl said she wanted to buy too.
Hmm. Now thinking back.. What should i buy
for girll.. lolx. Owe her alot alot. =D
Sorry girl... Loves loves..
4. My Eldest buying new hp. So i will take his hp.
Which is mostly i used for like 1 yr plus.
So i will be having 2 phones!!
And wats more.. Im using my second bro another phone.
So.. Am i having 3 phones? haha!
Okay.. I think i jus end it here. hehe!
Today i like ate damn damn lots can!
Every 6 hrs eat once.
Like a big baby.
All becos of stupid Joe!
okay. i knew him since im K2!
He always forget to eat medicine.
Always very crazy. He is my bro's best friend.
Haha! Oh well, my bro always ask if im his friend.
I will be like isnt that yours?
Or maybe he escape from IMH!
haha! Oh well, my bro friends came over to play mahjong.
I hope they dun come so often. Cos i will be fat
EVERY 6 HOURS EAT ONCE!
Gosh.. haha! okay.. time to mug mug. =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
8:33 PM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I HAD A REALLY BAD NIGHTMARE!!!
I dunno y am i having all these weird nightmares.
A freaking scary one this time.
I think its becos i watched e channel 5.
Resurrection. RAWR!!
Stupid!! I shall go straight in to e part which is scary.
I dreamt of practically everyone.
Of cos.. I dreamt from 7am all e way to 6pm.
I couldnt wake up.
My bro tried to wake me up but i still cant wake up.
He pulled my leg and there i am. Sleeping..
Some say im pig or wat.
But its like i wan to. But i cant that kind of feeling.
ITS SCARY!!!
I dreamt that i was with a bunch of friends.
They didnt want to tell us where they wan to go.
So I jus walked there and following them.
Then we went up this lift.
Then there was this old lady welcoming us.
That was in e day..
Then turn in. There is another door.
There were ppl like having guns or so.
Like wanting to kill us.
But all survived. Slowly all like can come up.
But wan to get out. there is no door.
We were all in e living room..
Then night came ...
SCARY!!!! Then its like more and more ppl are coming in..
But its like we all cannot escape.
We started to make friends.
Then its like there is different rooms.
One room think is like a staircase..
Another room is where they burnt e bodies.
Another room is where e shen tai will come out of sudden.
Another one there is a watcher or nun or fortune teller.
Then with e shen tai also..
At first i dunno wats all e rooms hav.
Starting at night. E shen tai came out.
Like as if they wan to eat something..
Then got e pictures of e dead..
Then when they eating u will know..
The breeze chilling down your spine.
Then we all like hugging each other wan to scream
but cannot scream. That kind of scareness.
Then after that its like
we will be starting to talk.
Then one door opened. Its like ppl carry
corpse in to burn e corpse or put in coffin.
That body... Its like how i see my grandma b4 she was put in e coffin.
Covered... and can see e features of e face.. =(
Then with those hospital bed they went in to another room.
Some of them went to explore e rooms.
One room they went in they screamed.
Come out is e two shen tai..
Then one of them is red. Then music came out.
Like those buddist music or whatever.
Then u will feel e breeze.
I saw it in my eyes!! Im like hugging my friend on e sofa.
So scary....
Then they went in to another room..
There was tables set up.. For ppl to fortune telling or smth.
Then a lady came up saying that you can go and eat at downstairs.
So most of them went. They went downstairs.
I was trying to make a call. Asking ppl if i should call e police or wat.
Then i started calling my bro.
Telling him y i didnt go home and im stuck..
Then its like i hardly can hear me talk..
I dun even know where am i!!
I dun even know e address..
Then after thinking of second thoughts.
I want to call someone spiritual.
I was thinking tat Pearly would be busy.
So i called ah pa. Cliff.. Then im like hello pa..
hello pa!! PA! CAN YOU HEAR ME!
He cant even hear me.. Or is i cant even hear him
Its so buffered.
But for my bro its jus soft..
Then after making all those phone calls.
I found a house phone on e floor.
Worst. Call Spiritual Leaders its like so buffered.
You really cant hear a thing. Like a spoiled radio or smth.
Next thing i realised that im alone with a guy.
Then i asked. Where is e rest?
He told me that all went down then very long haven come up.
Then im like. Have they found a way out and totally forgotten abt us?
So i jus took my hp.. it left abit of batt.
Then i saw e rest of them at staircase.
All like talking.. saying some of them went to eat there.
Some went all e way down. See can escape or not.
So e rest wait at staircase.
The guy so ingentleman.
Ask me to stay in e house alone!!!
Im like im so scared. Y dont u stay there alone?
So we locked e door. In case e grannies come and see us here.
Next thing im asking should we call e police?
They all shouted at me SIAO! -.-
Then after talking and discussing who should we call.
Then this guy was saying. Remember our worksheet
being we came here?
Jesus fire Jesus.
Whats e answer?
Then im like!!! JESUS!!! GO IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
Then E door of e level below opened.
Then we saw like 5 or 6 of e ppl vomitted.
Then there is a indian granny..
I believed its e cook who causes them all vomit.
She smiled. Saw all of us at e staircase.
Then suddenly in front of us..
Was a table being set up.
Then a meat egg tart was served in front of me.
I wonder what meat was that.
Before of anything. I wanted to shout Jesus name.
And i jus woke up. Jump up e bed.
Im back in my nice bedroom.
Thank God for saving me..
Jesus is still e greatest name of all.=D
I love you JESUS!
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
7:15 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEENIE!!!!
Haha! Happy Birthday Queenie!
You had been my really great friend for e past yrs.
I still remembered being pinched by you!
Jia you for your A levels! =D
Okay. Today went to church.
Then attended CIC..
Its was good...
But i realise tat im getting furthur and
further away from my cg..
I will try my best to get closer with them again.
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
6:48 PM
Friday, October 24, 2008
Hmm! Okay. Some stupid things happened.
Firstly, about maths paper.
Stupid ppl called me at 3.30am and i msg girl, she woke up.
Haix!! Then couldnt sleep all e way to maths paper!
Whats more. Go to exam hall! Blank!!
Took super long to calculate a 8 X 6!!!
Simple multiplication took me super long.
Was really disappointed at myself.
Went home. Cried!!!
Cannot take it already. Too stressed.
At night went for Shot to Fame.
Okay.. At first i hear Elijah asking me for feedback.
I heard as Shop to Faint! -.-
Then with second confirmation..
I heard it as Shop to Fame!
Im like huh? orh. okay..
So i sent feedback to him!
Happily he can laugh till mad and didnt want to tell me!
Oh well! That was hilarous!
I cant believe tat i actually heard it as Shop to faint!
Hmm! Event was powerful.
Got like 14 yrs old.
Voice super duper nice! U hear it u will be like..
Y is she not a singer.
That nice. And e judges are either singers or judges for superstars.
Oh well... I dunno what happen to me these days.
But i hope i will be fine. =D
Trying to pick myself up from a stupid situation im in! haha!
Oh well.. Found out someone is a flirt.
Dun talk abt it! So so many things are happening!
RAWR!! oh well. hehe! =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
9:27 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Hmm. Well.. I dunno whats wrong with me or e ppl these days.
-.- E attitude of certain ppl really cannot take it man.
Especially whom i think should be better.
Oh well, dun wan to care.
Jus hope my sheep wont take God for granted.
I didnt sleep again as usual.
I kind of like hating myself now.
I dunno y... Im like expecting so much of me.
Expecting that im there for every single one.
Which i know i cant. Im jus foolish thinking that.
Oh well.. Maybe that i got this kind of thinking,
That is why a lot of ppl started to make use of me? 0.0
Rawr! What a irritating morning.
I cant sleep yet im too tired to study.
Maths is on Fri! =D
Im gonna conquer e paper i tell myself.
Oh well.. I hope your wisdom tooth is okay.
Haha! Really sorry tat i didnt picked up your call!
If not can bully Uncle Zhong while eating breakfast.
Wahaha! Oh well. =D
Die (This word is scary)
These days i keep seeing ppl dying or smth.
Then its like.. Even in my own dreams.
Oh man. God.. R u hinting me to treasure now?
I dunno. Maybe my days are shorter.
Afterall i didnt really sleep much these days.
Maybe after Os and tats e end of me.
Yesterday is a past.
Today is a present.
Tommorrow is a gift.
If i didnt remember wrongly.
My STM is like getting more and more serious.
I had forgotten totally what had i done last week or so.
Got to really do somethings that im not going to regret.
If ever i die..
I think i will miss my families and friends.
I cannot imagine and dun wan to imagine it.
To see my brothers crying..
My lifetime is hard.
But not as hard as those in Africa kids that
they starve to death.
I got to treasure every single day now.
Seriously, e feeling of dying like so strong.
Like somehow i will collapse anytime.
And the song sings..
There she goes~~
I miss you soo~~
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
11:20 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Hmm. I dunno whats exactly my feelings now.
I was sad when i read it.
Wasnt really knew abt it until i saw it.
I cried. But yup. Life is really unpredictable.
You really got to treasure ppl around you.
Once gone will jus gone. Never be back.
Haix. I hope everything will be alright.
Oh well.. Life still hav to go on..
I wished i was there to be there..
At a moment i was really stunned.. So ya.
I wish you all e best.. =D
Wah.. today i like going to alot of ppl blogs.
Lolx. I realise im living in my own world.
So many ppl i like didnt really talk to for super long.
Oh well.. YanSin!! U got to wake up..
After exams im so going arrange lots of meetings.
Lots of catching up to do man! RAWR!
haha! Oh well.. Girl and wz asked me e same ques.
LOLX! but my answer is still No to that.
No worries k? Im fine. =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
10:55 PM
Eng Paper is Down!! YAY!
Oh well..
Today paper.. Hmm.
Compo i wrote abt laughter thing.
I said that I went to a best friend funeral.
Then cos i got kind of non stop laughing habit.
At e funeral i laugh super loud.
Then friend say i disrespect.
Then dun wan to be my friend le
I became super quiet and calm after that.
Haha! Hopefully that will help. =D
Compre was about cats. haha!
In e past, Egyptians call cats as "Mau"
because it makes sound like "miaow"
HAHA! Okay. Im like after my meowing disease.
My exam also meows. =D
Desmond was saying tat i keep RAWR-ing.
Then sure will get high marks.
Cos lions is in e cat family.
So yay!! I will conquer e paper.!!
Hmm.. I think my bro really very sweet.
I love him lots lots.
Morning he set alarm clock 10am.
Scare i cannot wake up.
And i didnt even know he came in my room. -.-
Then after that i came home after exam.
He was like. Girl.. How come you didnt drink
that chicken essence that i bought for you!
Im like is there chicken essence?
LOLX! oh well... Im such a blur queen.
But i love my wonderful bro.
It feels so much like home now.!
KOR KORS! I LOVE YOU! =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
7:51 PM
Haha! Time passed so fast.
Yi Zhuan Yan jiu wu nian.
haha! Y i say so?
Haha! I didnt expect to know Uncle Weird for so long!!
Its like from One accord?
That is like im Pri 5 or 6??
haha! Oh well...
Wahaha! That was like how i know Casandra too.
And Casandra and I only had super vivid impression of him.
But i think he changed alot?
In looks ba. HAHA!
Is that a compliment?
I dunno. You think it urself. =D
Haha! But yup. Really enjoy talking to pig every nite!
That stupid "idiot" joke causing everyone to scream. =D
Crazy thinking of Wz always making me feel Idiot.
Yesterday went to meet Raine and all.
Then went home at like 10 plus.
Talked on e phone till like 12am then bathe
Then talk to girl until falling asleep.
Sorry sorry. Not you boring.
Its i too tired..
I couldnt really sleep. lolx!
Was stressing abt examination.
Today is English paper. Im scared!!
I miss girl. haha~
Happy good friends~~ With Wz.
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
8:59 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Im fine ppl.
No worries.
Hope is to give hope to ppl rite?
I giving myself Hope.
haha! Oh well, I was always known as e strong girl. =D
Although i didnt share much..
But over means over.
Time to concentrate and MUG!
haha! Ppl taking o levels..
JIA YOU!
Everything is back to normal.
Haha! Im as crazy as ever!
Woo... I dunno whats got into my mind
Anyway, these days my dream is weird.
Its like i dunno. God or Devil is trying to hint smth.
In my dream is like e bad version of e consequences
of what had happened. Haha!
Its scray at times..
Oh well.. I got some pics to upload actually.
But my bro took e cam. haha!
Im not going to get attached for awhile though. =D
Yup.. shoo shoo all e guys..
Although i think i said it b4. haha!
But im like got defeated to temptations.
=P Liwin always shooting me back..
Dunno who says ar.. Dun wan to get attached.
haha! Oops! Sorry.. I broke my promise.
Haha! I bet im gonna have some punishment or smth?
haha! Velle!! When are we meeting!
It had been ages tat i hav seen you.
Its like i hav not seen u seen that fri you know! =D
Missing you badly though.
My other friends dun jealous k?
I miss all of you guys too!
haha! =D
Hope is being repaired.!
YAY!! Scream for joy!
Okay. Im crazy. haha! =D
Mug Mug Mug. =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
4:53 PM
Gone.. =D
Oh well.. I no longer attached..
haha! We are no longer together.
And im still laughing. -.-
Cos i already expected it already.
Past nights been crying till mad.
Haha! Ever since yesterday meeting..
Everything seems change.
So now e best is to remain single.=D
Eh Eh! I single doesnt mean im available.
But i really enjoyed e past 18 days with you. =D
Yup. Oh Well.
Im fine. Dunt worry.
I miss my girl. =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
1:27 PM
Friday, October 17, 2008
Im finally back from e EDGE concert.
Was a really powerful meeting.
It talks about self-esteem.
If you think you are ugly, so will e others.
Your impression towards urself is important.
Ppl look at how you look at urself.
Oh well..
So if you say yourself stupid,
Ppl around you will jus nod and say.
Yes you are. haha!
This is true. How to solve?
No confidence in urself?
Find God. =D
Renew your bad thinkings of yourself
using God's words.
Something like "God is my provider"
So dun think u are poor.
Cos God provides for you. =D
Isnt that great?
Dont say urself ugly also..
Cos You are made in God's image and likeness.
I bet God is really very handsome/ pretty! =D
You got to confess.
Keep saying you are pretty.
You will naturally become pretty.=D
haha. Yup! Then VISUALISE that you are pretty.
You are popular. =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
11:35 PM
Getting Ready to Rock Concert.
Oh well.. I didnt go for much church activities.
Now im going on my way to eat my lunch with Wendy.
Im going to Rock! =D
Will blog again when i online.
Exams coming.
Think next 2 weeks not going online. =D
hehe! Miss me and tag my blog..
I miss Val and Jerry..
Hmm. Dunno when we meeting. Oh well.
Baby i still love you as much as b4 =D
Hope♥
♥There is always HOPE if you believe
3:10 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
